A Counsellor’s hearing with a Heart helps people find meaning in Life
Fr. Michael Panimaya Raj S. J.
‘Know thyself’ — the paradigmatic phrase was carved at the entrance to Apollo’s temple at Delphi in Greece in the fourth century BC. Socrates, a Greek Philosopher, was the first to coin it and invent such a revelatory approach in one’s incessant search for meaning in life. If one has to search for and find it then this very act implies that something has been lost before by the one who is searching for it now. We must understand the fact that in the evolution of humanity, from the era of the first human species till date, to search for one’s meaning and purpose in life has been a rudimentary process that is part of every growing human person.
Knowledge is not given but acquired by the self. The most difficult question one can attempt to answer is ‘who am I and what am I here for?’. When a person is blessed with perks and privileges to be happy, he or she may seldom ask the question. Everywhere there are people of good-will, so life moves on and on without hurdles. They understand each other and have a culture of mutuality among themselves. I am not talking about rich people here but people with values. Though poor, one can very well have genuine values. Poor people in Central African Republic used to greet a stranger as if known for decades and thus establish a universal brotherhood at first sight itself. Such gesture blossoms and spreads the fragrance of life, love, and joy on either end.
I had this privilege to have become a brother and those poor people inspired me to become a universal brother. The other category is when a person meets with indignities and unrelenting struggles of misunderstanding; he or she can’t but be in utter hopelessness and helplessness. At such moments, life is at stake pathetically. Life exists only within but not outside. The question of one’s existence and purpose of existence surfaces slowly but strongly and finally pushes the person into deep grief. When a person falls into the empty self feels closed and reduced, such unexplainable grief creeps in.
Independency and interdependency are two opposite poles of life. Do we need these two? Yes of course but at different levels of life situations. One must be independent enough to stand alone with confidence and at times the same person must be humble enough to seek help from and render help to others when necessary. Especially one who suffers must dissect and understand the origins, causes and emotions behind one’s sufferings. With the little help from others, one may try to know the root causes of suffering, and such will throw light on the path of life.
Viktor E. Frankl was a Holocaust survivor. After a deep reflection of his own sufferings in the Auschwitz camps, he recounts his profound understanding of the meaning in life: “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s way.” Out of this experience he wrote his book, “Man’s Search for Meaning” and formulates his logo-therapy, “If there is a purpose in life at all, there must be a purpose in suffering and death. But no man can tell another what this purpose is. Each must find out for himself and must accept the responsibility that his answer prescribes. If he succeeds he will continue to grow despite all indignities”. He understood this because all through his painful shared experiences with his comrades. Words of consolations have miraculous powers. Acceptance of suffering is not a docile response but an act of courage to face existential situations. Such acceptance when disclosed to someone takes a form of inner thrust to step ahead in confidence to live.
Whether one likes it or not, our past life haunts us all in the present with both positive and negative pixels of memory. The life experiences of yesteryears, as memories in us, contribute to what we are today. These memories are through inherited genes, imprinted emotions, attachments, separation experiences, flashbulb events, and morality interventions during our childhood. Some memories, wounds, scars, require rectification if they disturb us and at times these expect just an affirmation if they inspire us. All that is important is that one can be attuned with one’s life experiences, be able to name them as they are, and verbalize them freely without any obligation.
One may ask why should we need a counsellor or what does he do for us. A true counselling is non-directive in its process and is simply accompanying all through to throw light on life experiences of the counselee with a few eye-opening interventions, so as that the latter is able to perceive who he is, where he is up to in life and discern what he may do next. The counsellor does not replace us in the process of self-discovery neither motivates us but affirms our life experiences through his compassionate listening and directs us to a better self-discovery. He does not certify anything but we affirm ourselves confidently and concretely in the presence of others and take courage.
Let us remember, that the compassionate presence and listening of others reinforce their existence and life experiences. Counselling is possible process with the help many languages spoken and most of the times non-spoken between the two. The counsellor and the counselee build a relationship of trust in the course of such communication. In response to the willingness of the counselee, the counsellor does welcome the latter gracefully to this covenant of trust. Eugene Kennedy writes in the book On becoming a counsellor, “to be in a relationship during a counselling demands, at the very least, that we, the counsellors, give up our thoughts and interests for a while in order to be able to give our complete attention to the other person”. In being welcomed and given importance, the counselled may feel at ease within oneself and become free ultimately. It is in such freedom one can find meaning in life.
Medical research proves that the earlobe crease is connected with cardiovascular veins. Any sickness in the heart at its early stage is symptomatically made known in the earlobe creases. In the spiritual realm too, the physical conjoining of two ears forms a symbol of heart and means that two ears outside are the extension of a single heart inside. The role of a counsellor is to let the heart hear compassionately of what is shared and communicated by the counselee and make the latter feel welcomed, heard, loved, respected, and finally freed.
About the Author:
Fr. Michael Panimaya Raj SJ, a Jesuit belonging to Chennai Province, is the Socius to Novice Master in Novitiate, Beschi Illam, Dindigul. He, as Jesuit Refugee Service regent, has had an intercultural missionary experience in African continent especially in Cameroon and Central African Republic with refugees and internally displaced persons. Having completed his Theology Studies in the Jesuit Theology Institute of Paris, France, now he is guiding youth and seminarians with workshop on Ignatian Discernment.
