JoAnne Saldanha
As I sit on the balcony with my octogenarian parents, I am cocooned in the familiarity of their stories. As Alzheimer’s slowly invades my mother’s mind, the recent past befuddles her, oddly sharpening her memories of the ‘old days’. As the sun sets and the birds fly to their nests in the trees that surround us, the air in our little balcony is filled with the sound of their voices, complementing each other like seasoned performers, as they narrate stories that I’ve heard a hundred times before. So much so, that I can finish the stories they narrate, yet their comfort and familiarity, makes me want to listen to them a hundred times more.
These stories unconsciously seep into my being telling me who I am, reinforcing my identity. Like the lighthouses, which would often help my sea-farer father to shore, they illuminate the values and qualities that we treasure in our family. When I find myself in the darkest depths, the light of their stories steadies me, nudging me through labyrinths and tunnels, with the surety that ‘this too shall pass’.
Their stories are far from the fairy-tale trope of ‘happily ever after’. They are instead rooted in reality, their own experiences, those of the generations past and in the power of their faith. They feature the good and the bad, the heroes and the villains, laughter and tears, ‘hold-your-breath’ and hair-raising moments, peppered with words of reassurance, acceptance and guidance.
This tradition of stories in our family, is not unusual. My parents seem to be only doing what comes naturally to them, what elders in families and communities have done from time in memorial.
Storytelling in one of the oldest forms of human expression, with evidence of its occurrence in ancient texts. It served and continues to serve as a form of art, entertainment, education, a record of history and as a medium to pass down cultural norms, values and wisdom.
‘We’re all made of stories.” -Charles de Lint, author.
As old as life itself, stories are what make us human.
Given the humanness of stories, they naturally play a very important role in our family life. Parents and family members, closely followed by teachers are the best-storytellers, because they know the child. This ‘knowing’ is vital for effective storytelling.
To highlight what I mean, I share a story that I heard a long time ago. An anthropologist was visiting a tribe in Africa, one whose village had recently been blessed with that wonderful gift…electricity! Needless to say, close on the heels of electricity, came television sets.
As he was guided around the village by the chief, the anthropologist was curious about two abandoned huts on the very edge of the village. Wandering towards the huts, he was surprised to see that they were filled with television sets, stacked one on top of the other.
Puzzled, the anthropologist questioned the chief.
“Oh”, said the chief, “We don’t need those. “
“Why?” asked the anthropologist, confused.
“Well,” said the chief, “we have our own storyteller.”
“But surely,” replied the anthropologist, “the television knows thousands of stories, there is no way that your storyteller knows as many.”
“True’” said the chief, “ However, our storyteller knows us.”
‘Our storyteller KNOWS US.’
Parents, grandparents and other elders in the family, KNOW us. In this knowledge lies the magic and effectiveness of family-storytelling.
We know our child’s needs more than anyone else. Our role as parents/elders, offers us a privy into our children’s lives from a young age. Each time we share a story with our children or listen to one of theirs, a single thread is sewn, binding family across the generations, into a thickly woven tapestry.
In a world that is increasingly digital, even with stories freely available at the touch of a screen, family storytelling is increasingly relevant. The power of storytelling lies in the personal connect, something digital storytelling cannot replace. These connections are imperative in today’s increasingly ‘connected’ yet disconnected world.
What are family stories?
Family stories are all those stories that we have grown up with, stories that are either true or hold special meaning for our family. Repeated over the years, over generations, they are heirlooms held in the heart…gifts from one generation to the next.
These stories could be tales of adventure, funny incidents, stories of grit and hard work, about our childhood, of courtship and weddings, of migration or fortunes made, of losses and deaths, of family members and friends and other such themes. They could also be stories from books or religious texts which hold meaning for the family.
The world is a global village and people increasingly live away from extended family, in a nuclear family structure. At a time when families lived in and around each other, children absorbed as if by osmosis from the extended family around them, by listening to the chatter and discussions, by watching what the elders did, how they reacted to situations, to people…learning came naturally. While we may not be able to offer children this joy today…
… what we can offer them is stories.
When we share stories with children, we unfold a beautiful, personal expansion of their world. When children are young, parents and other family members are the most important and influential people in their lives. Children are eager to know everything about them. Stories shared by the adults around them, open the channels of communication, offering children the space to share their own. Every story needs a teller and a listener.
As the children grow, listening becomes increasingly important and our stories strengthen bonds and lay a foundation of trust and understanding. This holds in good stead when they enter their turbulent teens, offering a space for them to share their own stories, fears and misgivings. Stories which help them make sense of their own teenage struggles are needed during these years. Stories to help them see that we have been there before. While we may have experienced these hurdles differently, we also made mistakes, had similar fears and doubts. Within our stories, they will find solace, encouragement and the hope that there is always light at the end of the tunnel.
Family stories include all sorts of narratives… personal stories, stories from books which hold special meaning, songs and poetry, traditional clapping and chanting games shared with the stories behind them…who did you play with? When were these songs sung? Why is a poem or parable particularly meaningful?
Objects like photographs, jewellery, clothing, recipes, furniture, religious artefacts, places and music are just a few examples of objects that could trigger a story to share.
The benefits of family storytelling are immeasurable.
They help… develop a sense of belonging; root children in their identity; develop an interest in their heritage and culture; strengthen their faith; build self-confidence and esteem; stimulates children to learn more; develop pride in their family; develop aural comprehension and listening skills; develop expressive skills; encodes the norms of the family; instils values; helps grieving and healing; opens channels of communication; helps build connections across the generations.
In the words of author Madeleine L’Engle, “If you don’t recount your family history, it will be lost. Honour your own stories and tell them too. The tales may not seem very important, but they are what binds families and makes each of us who we are.”
(Mrs. JoAnne Saldanha has been a story educator for the past 18 years, linking stories from folklore and mythology to the curriculum, social emotional learning, and current affairs. In her role as a Library Educator, she works with schools to create a library program and build a more vibrant, democratic, interactive library space, helping draw children to books and reading. She is passionate about helping children see the strength in the diversity around us, through stories and curated books, empowering parents and teachers to do the same, through her workshops. JoAnne writes about her work on her blog at www.mythaunty.com and on Instagram as @mythaunty.)
